1. What does FAQ mean?

Tom: That means "Frequently Asked Questions".  Dumb ass.

2: Who are you?

Tom: I'm Tom Asher, all around super guy.  The Man, The Myth, The Legend.

3: What the hell is a Ukrainian Sausage?

Tom: Ukrainian Sausage is a food that really exists. But before I found that out, I was thinking to myself why Ukraine doesn't have it's own food, like French Toast, Polish Sausage, Irish Potatoes, etc. Turns out, there really is a recipe for kielbasa that is called "Ukrainian Sausage". One of these days, I'll put the recipe on here. Or, it could refer to something else, but only if your mind is in the gutter.

4: What the hell is Ukraine?

Tom: Believe it or not, I have had to answer this question before. Ukraine is the largest country in Europe, in terms of land mass. It is Eastern Europe, formerly a part of the USSR.

5: What's with the facial hair?

Tom: I grew my first official goatee at the age of 16 during the summer of 1994. I did not grow anything again until the Summer of 1997, on the infamous "Horsemen Weekend" with Jim Spicer, Mike Bucchieri, and Jay Grant. Previous girlfriends did not allow me to grow anything. I have been clean shaven exactly twice since 1997. Once after Christmas 1999, and again about a month or two later. I have always had long sideburns, kind of like a trademark of mine. The goatee of 1997 turned into a full beard, and usually I bounce between one or the other. I had a mustache-free goatee in April 2000 for a bit, until May 2000 when I grew a full beard again after looking at old pictures of me and got a little sentimental.  Since then, I've alternated between the goatee and the beard, and had a fumanchu mustache briefly.  April hates the facial hair and the chops, but I love them and will never get rid of them!

6: Pimping is easy.  Why do you think it's so hard?

Tom: No matter what anyone tells you, PIMPIN' AIN'T EASY! You gotta be able to keep everything in order.

7: Speaking of pimping, how many girls have you hooked up with?

Tom: Does it even matter?

8: Will you name them?

Tom: Hell no!  Some of those names could get me into some trouble...

9: How come you never call me?

Tom: I'm a busy guy. I have a ton of people who ask for my time. This is such a conceited answer, but it's true. The best way to get in touch with me is e-mail. Or my cell phone. Before you ask, I'm not giving you the number. E-mail me for it.

10: What's with the Iron Butterfly infatuation?

Tom: My Scoutmaster, the legendary Dave Pearce, had an Iron Butterfly tape. I listened to it. I liked it. I went through my parents' record collection and found a record of theirs. I listened to it. I liked it. Sure, it's old, and they never really had a big hit, other than "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida". It's deep music, thought provoking music.

11: How big are you?

Tom: I am 6 feet, 3/4 inches tall.  I weigh 260 lbs.  I have an 18 1/2 inch neck.  I wear a size 42-32 pant.  I wear size 13 sneakers.

12: That's not what I meant.  How big are you?

Tom: If you want to know, tough luck!  That's not public information anymore...

13: Is it true that you can't ride a bike, swim, or roller skate?

Tom: Yup.  It's true, it's true.

14: Your webpage rocks. How did you learn all of this stuff?

Tom: This site has been around for six years now. I had one before this which lasted about 6 months. My secret to success is years of experience, and stealing ideas from other people's sites. To be honest, I think I've had my page longer than any of my friends. It is this reason why you see them steal ideas off of me, and vise versa. Of course, I know I've swiped stuff from my friends as well. I give them credit, much as I make them give me credit. You can see that there is nothing complicated on my site. I believe in doing things as easily as possible.

15: You sound like an egotistical bastard.

Tom: Thank you.  I'm not as bad as I used to be, and that's not a question.

16: I thought you were selling cars or something. What happened?

Tom: I get this question a whole lot from people in Beneficial who don't see me that often. I was selling cars for about three weeks at Dunphy Ford Subaru on Frankford Avenue in Northeast Philly. I didn't like the idea of being poor, so I went back to a steady paycheck at Beneficial. I went back to the Whitemarsh office in Conshohocken, then to the Contact Center as a Customer Contact Supervisor, before now finally working in Business Development as the Bank Product Administrator.

17: Why did you drive piece of crap cars?

Tom: I always liked big, heavy Chrysler products from the 1980's. I feel safe in them. I don't feel safe in new cars. My 1987 Chrysler Fifth Avenue went to over 160,000 miles, and I had a 1984 5A that went to 130,000.  I bought a 1993 Dodge Dynasty with only 45,000 miles on it before finally breaking down and purchasing a brand new 2005 Scion xB in July of 2004.

18: When is the best time to check your page for updates?

Tom: Ha!  I don't know anymore... it used to be every Tuesday, but now it's like once every three months.  I'll work on that... I've had a lot of fun putting this update out tonight.

19: What's with the funny shirts?

Tom: I have a weird taste when it comes to clothing. I never buy fancy brand name stuff, instead I go for the KMart brands, the Target brands, and stuff like that. I like to wear Hawaiian shirts and shiny shirts because I think every group has one or two guys who wear stuff like that. That person in my groups is me. Of course, this all goes back to my old "Barry" shirts.

20: How come you never seemed to have problems picking up chicks?

Tom: As everyone knows, I am a master of conversation skills. I have no fear in talking to people. And when it comes to women, I had to use these skills. Let's face it, if you were a girl, and you saw me at a bar, or a club, or something like that, I'm not the kind of guy you would look at and say "Damn, he's hot!". So in almost all cases, girls did not approach me. I had to approach them. And when I did, since I don't have the super hot looks, I used my personality and sense of humor to do the job. And in most cases, it did. But I didn't go out there and expect every single girl to like me. Only about 90% or so.

The Most Asked Question Of All-Time...

21: Did you break Jessie Weinert's bed?

Tom: No.